0322: Godzilla vs Bagan: Earth’s Savior – Part 2 (2024)

Greetings and salutations, Wardens and lunatics.

David: Gratings!

Today we’re back with the tail end of this kaiju fic.

So far we’ve had a small city/town destroyed by NotGodzilla and then completely ignored, a drunk old man throwing his fishing pole around the woods, a really crappy UFO taken out by a wasp on a bottle rocket, and a ghost hunter named Kutik whose only job seems to be pointing out the obvious and repeating Angry Alien Face’s statements for the military.

You do what you gotta do, buddy.

Then Bagan destroyed the Twin Towers a set of towers with the sure power of body weight while the military watched on screens from the void.

Spelling Czech: 13

Hey, at least this kaiju fic actually has kaiju in it.

*Em hauls a large Brick O’Text onto the desk.*

Battra

Speaking of which, it looks like this brick is introducing a third kaiju.

Battra, also called Battle Mothra or Black Mothra, is kind of the evil twin of the better known Mothra. While both were created by the Earth to protect it, Mothra sees humans as also deserving of protection while Battra sees them as potential threats to the Earth. Mothra eventually talks him out of exterminating the humans and they team up to defeat Godzilla, but Battra ends up dying at the end of his only film appearance.

Battra’s egg senses the earth in grave danger from the new threat of Bagan and begins to hatch, releasing the new fighter for the earth.

While he’s not exactly defenseless, I’m not sure I’d qualify Battra’s baby caterpillar form as Earth’s “new fighter.”

It crawls out from the broken shell under the polar ice caps and beings to make its way towards Osaka.

Aah! More ghosts! Somebody call Kucumber, or whatever his name is!

Spelling Czech: 14

The second screen turns on with a picture of waves and something large and black just under the surface of the water.

A second screen? I don’t know whose gaming setup they’re using in the void, but they went all out.

” What is that?” Commander Aso asks and points at the giant monster. ” It’s Battra, it has to be. Bagan must have woken him; Battra must feel the strong presence of him.

And you just know this because shut up.

I have a feeling that this is going to be bad.” Professor f*ckazawa puts in.

Han Solo said it better.

” do you think Battra can win?” Ask Commander Aso.

Why, has he played this game before?

Kenichi Yamane rises up from his counsel,

Kenichi: Lift me higher, lawyer! I have a line!

Oh, wait. Was that supposed to be “console”? That makes more sense. It’s Kenichi’s gaming system that they’re using!

Spelling Czech: 15

Kenichi Yamane is another character from Godzilla vs Destroyah. He’s a college student and the son of a well-known Godzilla researcher. He’s the one who figured out they could use Godzilla going Chernobyl to take out Destroyah.

” Its not possible. Battra is a strong monster but what I have seen from Bagan, he is more powerful than anything we have ever seen.”

He knocked over a building with his shoulder. That’s literally all he’s done so far.

Ken continues. “And I don’t think Battra can make a difference against him.”

Probably not a great idea to call the genocidal Battle Moth a weakling, Ken, even if he is just a baby.

” This can be the end of the world, and there is nothing we can do.” Commander Aso utters as he slouches down in his chair and folds his hands and turns back to the screen.

Aso: I’m just going to quote my fatalistic GvD lines and watch the rest of this movie/game.

Battra had reached the main land and has begun to tunnel under the surface, kicking up gray dust into the air.

I was joking, fic. We don’t need to see him watching the Godzilla vs Mothra movie footage!

Bagan continues its assault on Osaka, destroying the city with its blue and white oral ray.

Please just call it a breath weapon.

Setting the city ablaze with flames that reached to the heavens and dark smoke that curled and spiraled up into the air.

Which are apparently two different directions.

A loud rumbling sound causes Bagan to turn away from demolishing the city and to the giant dust cloud coming his way. The ground breaks apart in large brown chucks as Battra lifts its body up out of the hole.

Who put that shoe factory in caterpillar Battra’s way? Rude!

Spelling Czech: 16

Bagan’s head co*cks back and lets a low grinding roar out from its throat. Battra also lets out its roar, threaten Bagan.

Calling ‘Pillar Battra’s sound “roar” pushing it, but God of Tarzan Grammar let slide.

Battra’s red demon eyes seek out its target, spotting Bagan in front of him. Bagan wasting no time, charges up an oral blast,

Why do Bagan’s attacks sound like they’re coming from a really hyped up dentist?

and unleashes the white and blue beam a pond Battra.

Aww, he made the little ’Pillar a pool to play in! How sweet!

Spelling Czech: 17

The insect monster’s tough exoskeleton absorbs most of the impact, but the overwhelming power explodes into a bright array of orange. Yellow plasma energy dances across Battra’s horn, a bright beam erupts from the tip of it. The prism beam hits Bagan in the chest causing a large shower of sparks. Bagan, not affected, charges and slams its huge shoulder into the face of Battra, sending the caterpillar sprawling back.

He’s just a baby! Leave him alone!

Battra recovers from the big blow and discharges its purple prism eyes beams. The double rays hit Bagan, once again not doing anything to harm the beast. Bagan turns around, lifting its massive tail off the ground and letting it slam into Battra. The evil monster falls prey to the attack and blue radioactive energy races across Bagan’s two spikes on his back. His mouth drops, and is filled with blue and white light. The oral beam collides with Battra’s armor, causing a giant ball of fire to surround the area. Bagan’s head rises high in the air and lets out a thundering roar that rolls through the destroyed city.

This has to be one of the most pretentious fight scenes I’ve read in a while.

Battra badly hurt returns underground, leaving the unstoppable Bagan to lay waste to Japan.

Unstoppable? So far he’s faced a building and a baby. Not even the JSDF have bothered to show up yet!

*Em hauls another brick onto the desk.*

Let’s see what this next one-

Crisis

*Em is suddenly shoved three feet to the right by the fic’s formatting.*

Great, we’re back to this again.

In the depths of the vast pacific, the monster known as Godzilla sleeps.

I guess they finished questioning him about that city/town he could not have possibly destroyed.

His new adult form is still taking time for the new king to get use to and to control the large amount of nuclear energy he has to sleep more then normal.

This is an extremely clunky way to say that this is a revived Godzilla Jr who was brought back to life and embiggened when Daddy G went Chernobyl.

Godzilla’s eyes open, and search the bottom of the deep trench; his mouth opens expelling a cloud of air bubbles. A loud shrill roar escapes his mouth and he swims up to the surface of the enormous ocean.

Excuse you, Godzilla’s SKREEEOOOONK is not shrill.

His spines reach the surface coming up next to a naval ship, and gilding through the water like a knife as he makes his way towards Japan.

Calm down, King Midas.

Spelling Czech: 18

“ That thing defeated Battra like it was nothing. We can only hope that Battra returns and destroys Bagan before it does any more damage.” Commander Aso says with hysteria.

*Em’s desk rotates thirty-two degrees southwest.*

I’m guessing Aso isn’t on the random naval ship and is still in the void watching the movie and/or playthrough. Also, Battra is a baby right now!

A lower ranked officer rises up from his command post and turns to the commander.

Ah! Why is everyone in this void command post a spring-loaded Whack-A-Mole target?

“Sss-sir, a naval ship has just spotted Godzilla headed this way.”

Www-we know, we were just there.

The commander gets up off his chair. ” What, Godzilla that is crazy. Get a helicopter out there, see if they can get a visual.”

Lower Ranked Officer: Sir, you know that helicopters only have an effective range of like, 150 miles, right? A fixed-wing aircraft would be much more effecient at searching the Pacific-

Aso: Just do what I said!

” Right away sir.” The office lows back down and gets to work.

*The entire command center gently sinks lower, accompanied by a faint hissing sound.*

Oh, sorry. Had my foot on the lever. Who knew this whole void was like one of those adjustable barber shop chairs?

Spelling Czech: 19

” I thought both Godzillas had perished at the hands of Destoryah, it seems that we may have another problem on our hands.

Dude, you’ve been watching various Godzilla movies on your screens this whole time. Just skip to the end!

But with Godzilla we can get rid of Bagan.” The commander rubs his chin and sits back down. The waves break, and slide off to the side as Godzilla’s jagged fins rip through the waters.

*Ems desk rotates eighty-four degrees forward.*

And I guess we’re back with Godzilla again.

The top of his face elevates above the clear water, his eyes stare straight ahead, looking at the burning city.

You know… that one.

Knowing that he is nearing the one that he feels, the one that keeps calling out to him to fight.

Understanding what a complete thought is.

Godzilla could hear Bagan’s low roars, and the crackle of the fire as it burned through the city making him swim faster.

Swimming, now powered… by… fire? Wait.

Godzilla step ashore, his giant foot coming down on some gas pipes of the oil refinery.

An explosion rips through the air, the smoke cloud covering over Godzilla’s huge body. Godzilla steps through the processing plant,

Where did the chicken factory come from?

clearing a path right down the middle of it. ” Sir we have visual contact.”

He’s three hundred feet tall. I’m pretty sure you had visual contact before he tarred and feathered himself.

The officer says. The helicopter’s camera buzzes

Uh oh, did the hornets escape from those missiles?

and zooms in on Godzilla as he makes his way through Sakai, tearing through a skyscraper that was standing in his way.

He destroyed a building? He’s unstoppable!

” At the rate he is going he will reach Osaka in an hour or two. “

Oh, sure. Another fic that has no idea what distanc-

*googlefu*

Huh. That’s actually a very reasonable amount of time.

David: Someone was bond to be write eventually.

Yes… Thank you, David.

The professor says. The main screen goes blank and the picture of Bagan destroying Osaka reappears. A circle of bright yellow light emerges, making a circle of light on the ground some ways behind Bagan. ” Sir, something is happening.”

I mean, one would assume.

The circle of light shone for a few seconds before disappearing.

And yet, nothing is happening.

” What was that?” Ask Aso.

Why can’t you just tell me?

The ground tears apart, making large zigzag cracks running in all directions across the ground. The strange light erupts out of the fractures, lighting up the dark parts of the soil. Dust shots up

Spelling Czech: 20

and the familiar insect cry screams out, tearing through the sky. The giant bat like wing of Battra makes its way up to the surface,

Look, I know his name is Battra, but what bat has wings like this?!

bringing more chucks of the earth along with it as it breaks out of the ground.

Okay, he’s not a caterpillar anymore, but he still doesn’t have feet! Well, not in a shoe-wearing sense, anyway.

Spelling Czech: 21

The three yellow glowing spikes of Battra’s crown come into view;

Who died and made Battra king?

Battra’s mandibles open up and let out another powerful roar as it pulls itself out of the ground. Battra now in its ultimate form takes to the air, scanning the area, looking for the monster that is threatening the Earth with total destruction.

Wait, is he not where Bagan is? When did the scene chan-

*Em’s desk rotates twenty-three degrees to port.*

Me and my big mouth.

*Em hauls the next very large Brick O’Text onto the desk.*

Whew! This is the biggest of the bunch.

David: It really is missive.

That it is, David.

The Final Battle

You’re sure it’s not a Countdown?

Battra now at full strength follows the path of destruction. Seeing the large back of Bagan as it tore into another building like an otter cracking into a shell.

That’s… an odd metaphor to use but suuuuure.

Battra’s eyes glow with energy, crackling and popping.

Battra should probably get that checked out. I don’t think eyes are supposed to pop.

Two purple prism beams hit Bagan in its muscular back. Ambers fly into the afternoon sky, almost blending with the light background.

Oh crap, somebody make sure Dr. Hammond is restrained!

Spelling Czech: 22

Bagan turns around and notices the flying monster hovering two hundred meters away from him. Bagan’s giant jaw snaps open and a deep roar escapes out.

None of these kaiju seem to be able to control their own roars.

Battra not showing fear also lets out an insect shriek, Bagan beings to draw energy to his mouth to unleash his powerful oral ray.

Spelling Czech: 23

Quick! Kuboid or whatever your name is, there’s potential paranormal beings for you to investigate!

…

Kubical?

…

Hello? He was vital to the fic two bricks ago but now he disappears the second we need him?

David: Perhaps there were other pairs of normal activities in the lower backwoods?

Nah, I think the void just straight up ate him.

The light colored beam flies out of his mouth, Battra with quick speed avoids the wide beam.

Well thank goodness he used the quick speed. Don’t you hate it when you’re stuck behind Anguirus who only uses slow speed? Always when you’re in a hurry, too.

Bagan lets a roar of dissatisfaction out of his still smoking mouth.

This guy is a regular Pandora’s box of sound effects.

Battra circles around him, sending down prism beams at the giant monster. Bagan picks up its heavy tail and whips around, Battra moves out of the way.

Battra’s no fool.

The insect monsters tiny six legs grabs a hold of the massive ox like tail.

Ox-like? What the hell kind of oxen have you seen, author?

Battra with all its might beings to pull, trying to take down Bagan.

Ah yes, the might beings. They might be, they might not. If only there was a paranormal specialist who could tell us.

Spelling Czech: 24

The alien monster throws its tail down to the ground, carrying Battra along for the ride. Battra crashes to the ground; Bagan pulls his tail out from Battra’s tight grip. Battra weak from the attack tries to get up but fails to do so. The big red tail of Bagan lifts up and comes down on Battra’s head with force. Light green blood tinkles down Battra’s face,

Holy Hand Grenade, that is not the word you want there!

Spelling Czech: 25

Battra felt the warmness of its own blood as founds its way through the groves of its face.

Spelling Czech: 27

Battra gets enough power to lift off into the air and get away from Bagan’s powerful attacks.

None of which Bagan has used so far. He’s literally just throwing his body weight around.

Bagan turns to face the retreating monster. Bagan filled with anger, charges after Battra.

*Em filled with frustration, opens and chugs emotional support beverage.*

Bagan smashes its hand down on the back of the fleeing, sending the insect monster crashing to the ground. Battra cries out in pain, he lifts off into the air once again, trying to escape its attacker. Battra turns around and fires a point blank shot of prism energy into the eyes of Bagan. The blast blinds the gigantic monster, his hands rush up to his eyes trying to wipe the pain away. Bagan blinded in a rage, fires his oral beam from his terrible maw. Battra to close to Bagan’s mouth takes the blast full force.

*Em pitches fit at lack of grammar, pounds her head on desk.*

The dark mothra flips onto its back in mid air, and lands hard on the ground below. An eerily powerful roar overtakes the noise of the battle. Both Battra and Bagan turned their heads towards the giant figure that is striding their way, and a third monster joins the battle.

About freaking time, Big Guy.

Godzilla’s mouth tore up and another powerful roar exploded out.

Bagan bellowed out to let Godzilla know he was the most powerful one there.

There has been zero evidence of that. Bagan is struggling with a freaking moth.

Godzilla looked over the landscape seeing that no buildings stood and rubble covered the ground. Godzilla looked into Bagan’s dark yellow eyes, and Bagan looked down at Godzilla and lets out a growl. Godzilla’s dorsal fins explode with nuclear energy and a concentrated atomic ray burst out from his mouth.

No, the Big Guy never exploded. He Chernobyl’d one time and people suddenly think he’s a walking nuclear bomb.

The beam collides with the enormous chest of Bagan, not hurting the giant beast. Bagan counters with an immense oral beam. The ray hits Godzilla in the chest with the power of a run away train.

Something that Godzilla routinely crushes with his foot without noticing. You were better off throwing your tail around, Bagan.

The monster king is knocked backwards from the force of the blast. Bagan charges up another blast in its mouth and lets it fly, hitting the downed Godzilla.

Downed? Did he trip on that train or something?

The giant mutated dinosaur lets out a small roar of pain as he gets back to his feet. Godzilla walks over to the bulky Bagan; rearing back his shoulder and delivers a blow to the torso of Bagan.

I don’t know how you rear back a shoulder, but it sounds like a good way to dislocate it.

The tough alien monster stumbles back some from the blow; trying hard to found its footing. Bagan gets back to his feet and bows its head down.

That’s right, bow you little punk.

Bagan rushes Godzilla, hitting the monster king in the stomach with its horns. Godzilla is thrown back from the strike, his back colliding with a cement plate.

Osaka just has a three hundred foot tall cement plate in the middle of the city?

” Godzilla’s losing. Bagan is too strong!” Commander Aso screams at the screen.

Calm down. You’ve been watching kaiju films all day, you know how the battles go by now. Godzilla looks like he’s losing until he gets Super Pissed^TM and then he blasts them out of existence.

Bagan’s shoulder blades shine with blue energy,

His shoulder blades? Why is this fic so obsessed with shoulders?

the powerful monster rises up high in the air, letting out a dominating roar.

*Em shoves the roar to the side.*

Look, it’s getting a little crowded in here with the amount of roars you guys keep letting out.

Bagan focus the energy, forming it into two glowing diamonds shape bolts.

Ah, this is Bagan’s Diamond Storm attack.

But only two-thirds strength, it seems.

The two energy bolts shot off high in the air and fall back to Earth at incredible speeds. Godzilla slowly rises to his feet, smoking; the two diamonds strike him in the back. A dome of raw energy covers over Godzilla knocking him back down.

Just randomly, I guess. That’s not part of any of Bagan’s attacks.

An earsplitting cry of pain emits from the bright white half circle. The white ball of energy slowly disappears and Godzilla’s smoking body takes its place, laying limp on the ground. Bagan lets out a roar of might and strength as he looks over the fallen king.

*Em shoves the roar away.*

It’s very irresponsible to release so many of these things in a confined area.

Bagan moves in for the kill, Battra rises up from its grave filled with a new energy raising in its body.

Because that makes any kind of sense.

Spelling Czech: 28

Oh wait, was that energy dome supposed to be Godzilla going Chernobyl and ressurrecting Godzilla Jr Battra?

David: I spouse it was.

So we’re just rehashing GvD but with different kaiju.

The dying monster clamps onto the back of Bagan and sends intense prism energy surging through Bagan’s body.

The dying monster… so Godzilla climbed up on Bagan’s back? I’m so confused.

The alien monster sways back and forth, trying to loosen Battra’s tight grip. Bagan throws his hand behind his back, reaching at Battra.

Linstar must be having a field day with all these disembodied body parts flying around.

His clawed hand grabs onto one of Battra’s tiny legs, and whips the insect monster to the front of him. He throws Battra up, and charges up a huge amount of plasma energy in its mouth.

Ew! Keep your plasma energy in your own mouth!

The blue beam sizzles and bubbles as it sprays out of Bagan’s jaws.

I see where you’re coming from with that description of the Plasma Beam, but it’s still incredibly wrong.

The huge ray hits Battra in the stomach, carrying him a ways away.

Wow, all the way over yonder? *whistles through teeth* Dang.

The defender of the earth crashes to the ground, its body crumbles up as its prism energy escapes out of its carcass . Bagan bellows out at his win over the monster and turns back to Godzilla.

Don’t get too smug, Bagan. He was already described as “dying” when you started fighting him. Also, he’s a moth.

By this time the monster king is already to his feet, blood dripping from his mouth and a glazed look in his eyes.

Godzilla apparently tried to read this fic.

Bagan, having wasted a lot of energy on Battra, can’t do anything in defense against Godzilla’s rage.

That’s pretty pathetic, I have to say.

Okay, *Em hauls another brick onto the desk* one last brick to go.

Super Godzilla

That is the name of the game you’re basing this on, yes.

The monster king howls out in pain as bright yellow electricity dances across his stomach. Two bulky spikes jet out of his shoulder covered in blood and puss.

Ew. No need to be gross. It’s a 1993 transition.

[Note from Editing Em: For some reason WordPress refuses to play nice with this video and starts it at a random time. The scene I’m trying to reference is at 10:21.]

Godzilla’s chest and shoulder to begin to bulge, swell with fluid.

So the author does know how to spell the word begin! Somehow that makes it worse, to be honest.

His dorsal fins increase in size and become more jagged as the energy ripped his body a new.

Whoa! We don’t need a description of energy ripping Godzilla a new one, thanks.

His tail whips around in pain as it bubbles and forms a bush of spikes on the end of it. His face popped with veins, two small tasks jetted out above his mouth.

*Making Your Bed and Grocery Store Run suddenly have always had F-15s and soar away from Godzilla’s face.*

That would be the tusks that jut out of Super Godzilla’s face after he transforms.

Spelling Czech: 30

His height ballooned up, meeting Bagan at his eyes. His skin went from grayish green skin to a dark purple. Godzilla raised up, filled with all the energy that his father had given him,

Because we apparently have repossessed it from the useless Battra.

and let out a thunder-shaking roar, a new roar.

A thunder-shaking roar? …Can you even shake sound waves? How does that work?

Bagan looked over this new form of Godzilla and bellowed out at him, shrieking his challenge. Bagan attacks with its heat ray, hitting Godzilla in his new chest.

He transformed, he didn’t literally replace his body parts with new stock.

The attack busted into sparks as it collides with the new chest of Godzilla.

Ah! My old Tense Whiplash injury I just got!

Super Godzilla opens his jagged mouth, orange energy fills his jagged maw, letting loose a large orange atomic ray. The beam scans across Bagan exploding into a ball of fire.

Huh. Who knew the “most powerful creature in the universe” had a weakness to being scanned.

David: Shirley He-Man is butter than this.

Oh, he definitely is.

The alien monster stumbles back hurt and confused. Super Godzilla’s tail snakes out and slams into the side of the face of Bagan. The powerful monster gets back up, and dashes towards Godzilla with full force. The power of the blow knocks Super Godzilla over, but before falling he releases another atomic ray.

*Em shoves the atomic ray aside.*

Where’s the catch part of this catch and release program?

Bagan staggers back from the rage of the attack. Super Godzilla rises up from the assault and looks over his attacker. Bagan brings up his head and lets out a howl of frustration;

*Em manages to corral the howl with the other frustration sounds.*

Seriously, this is getting out of hand.

Bagan bows its head down bites down on the tough skin of Super Godzilla’s shoulder. The King roars out as dark blood pours from the many wounds.

The many wounds which only exist on shoulders, apparently.

Super Godzilla’s mouth pops with flowing nuclear energy, the steam of super heated atomic energy

So, is it like a steam-punk version ofatomic energy?

David: I thing the author mint “stream.”

Ah, that would make more sense. Good catch.

Spelling Czech: 31

tears though the tough shoulder of Bagan, causing the giant monster to release its death grip.

I’m starting to think all these kaiju are composed of nothing but shoulders.

Godzilla sends another atomic ray towards Bagan, followed by a giant cloud of fire reaching into the afternoon sky. A calm settles over the battlefield as Bagan lurches to its feet. Bagan tired and wore out,

Fic dragging on make Em feel same way.

looks over Godzilla spotting the growing energy forming at Super Godzilla’s naval.

I guess that random naval vessel earlier belonged to Godzilla.

Spelling Czech: 32

And before you wrack your brain trying to figure out how a reptilian monster hatched from an egg would have a belly button, Super Godzilla does have an attack called Navel Blast.

[Note from Editing Em: Yeah, it really hates this one, too. The relevent clip is at 11:28 if it doesn’t start there.]

The blue nuclear energy swirled and danced at the tip of Godzilla’s torso. Godzilla eyelids slowly cover over his eyes as the beam explodes from its point of gestation.

His point of gestation? His point of gestation?! HE’S A LIZARD!

The beam shoots out looking thin, and like a lance. The explosive energy strikes Bagan in the stomach, knocking the unstoppable monster on its back.

*Em blows a party horn.*

Somewhere other than his shoulder!

The beam subsides and foam lines the inners of Super Godzilla’s mouth as his nuclear energy levels take a dramatic drop. His fins burst with nuclear energy and Godzilla throws up a powerful atomic beam,

Aww, poor guy. That sounds like a really nasty stomach bug.

finishing the giant monster off. Bagan’s tough skin melts under the intense heat, its flesh sizzling away the bones.

Kind of gross, but hey, at least he’s gone.

Godzilla howls out in more pain as his nuclear energy flows wildly out of control in his body. Green light engulfs his body, and as it disappears the adult form of Godzilla can be seen through the smoke.

That’s a really clunky way of saying he changes from Super Godzilla back to OG Godzilla.

Godzilla roars out in victory as it heads towards Osaka bay tired and weary, steam rises from the beast’s charred hide as it turns and steps into the cool water and heads back to its home.

*Em falls to the floor gasping.*

No, *gasp* it’s fine. *gasp* I don’t actually *gasp* need oxygen *gasp* to function.

” It looks like Godzilla has once again saved man kind.

Man, that is kind of him.

As we have seen today Godzilla is the most powerful monster that has every walked the face of the earth.”

Spelling Czech: 33

Says ken standing up looking at Godzilla as he submerges underwater.

Ken, now is not the time for a bath.

” Yes it seems that even in the most difficult times Godzilla still found someway to win. And it just goes to show how little we are compared to his impressive power.” Commander Aso says very grimly.

Dude, he’s a three hundred foot tall, radioactive, fire breathing dinosaur. Squashing a tank is the equivalent of stepping on a Lego for him. Humans are less than nothing.

” We all thought Godzilla had perished along with his father a year ago,

…Why? He is very clearly shown alive and well at the end of the movie. He’s backlit and everything!

but the true protector of the earth came back to save us once again. We own him our lives.”

You most certainly do not own him, you bastard!

Spelling Czech: 34

Lightly speaks Professor f*ckazawa.

Heavily drinks Em.

” As long as nuclear energy exist than monsters will roam the planet.”

I mean, that is the original message of the entire franchise; nuclear war/testing f*cks with nature, nature f*cks back.

Mister Kutik tells the surrounding personnel.

Oh, Kubism! You finally show up right when we don’t need paranormal advice.

” As long as nuclear energy exist than a Godzilla will.”

And with that pretentious thought, this final brick finally comes to an end.

David, care to share that final tally of words spelled correctly yet still very wrong?

David: Thirty-four, Em.

Well, not a new record for Correctly Spelled Yet Still Wrong Words, but the last one we did this for was also nearly three times longer than this brick factory, so still impressive.

[Note from Editing Em: Every time I proofread this I find more. It very well could be a new record, I just haven’t found them all.]

I can’t decide if this fic was written by autocorrect, speech-to-text, or some unholy combination of the two. And, while I’m happy that this kaiju fic actually had kaiju battling each other (somehow a rarity in the medium lately), the formatting and grammar were so bad it was very difficult to read.

Hopefully in the *checks* twenty-three years since this was posted the author has learned more about English… and enter keys. And maybe the names of body parts other than shoulders. And what “paranormal” means.

*David clears his throat loudly.*

Right. Anyway, that’s all for this week. Next week we’re scheduled for…

*Em checks her notes.*

Gundam Wing and Sailor Moon? …Alrighty then.

Until then, stay loony!